Dear Older Self, When you were a young adult you did not know how to receive. Instead of paying attention to your needs, you hid behind a life of constant giving. Staying busy helping others protected you from the vulnerability that comes with exposed needs. Giving to others was a way of guarding against disappointment, hurt and shame. Fortunately you have learned a lot about receiving over the … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn to Receive
Notes to Our Older Selves: Allow Yourself to Be
Dear Older Self, You have been a doer. You have been a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a helping professional. Doing has been a big part of your identity. And, more specifically, it has been a big part of your identity to do for others. The many needs and tasks around you have kept you moving, kept you busy, kept you tasking. Sometimes this has overwhelmed you. Sometimes it has been stressful. … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Allow Yourself to Be
Notes to Our Older Selves: Be Open To Love
Dear Older Self, Your 97 year old friend who said, “ I think I am learning to let go of pride, in order to get ready for heaven,” spoke with a clarity that startled you. For her, pride had been a form of defensiveness. It had been her attempt to stay in control by always being on the giving end of things and rarely on the receiving end. Her pride was her attempt to push away vulnerability by … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Be Open To Love
Notes to Our Older Selves: Practice Humility
Dear Older Self, You may find yourself resisting the changes and growing vulnerabilities of aging because of fear. But you might also find yourself resisting because of feelings of shame. Shame is that belief that if people knew you fully, they would reject you. It is that feeling that you are less-than others. Or the sense that your needs make you look weak and unloveable. You know how shame … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Practice Humility
Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn to Laugh
Dear Older Self, People close to you told you when you were in your twenties that you were overly serious. But, over the years, you have learned to not take everything so seriously. You have embraced laughter. As you grow older you will need to continue to let go of being too serious. You will need to continue to grow in your ability to laugh. What a delightful assignment this could be! It might … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn to Laugh
Notes to Our Older Selves: Live With New Limits
Dear Older Self, I know that you will experience growing limitations as you get older. I know because it is already happening. Your energy and strength are not what they once were. For example, you once worked full weeks at work while keeping up with a busy schedule with family and other activities. But recently you have needed to cut back at work. You once jogged several miles several times a … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Live With New Limits
Notes to Our Older Selves: Introduction
We began writing Notes to Our Older Selves when we were in our fifties. We were in that season of life when it is common to watch parents and elderly friends grow older and become more dependent. We knew that we were soon to follow. As we worked to support those in the generation ahead of us, we were in a position to observe moments of grace and moments of gracelessness. After difficult encounters … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Introduction
Notes to Our Older Selves
Dear friends, Thank you for your patience with me as I took a break from posting for the last few months. Thanks to those of you who checked in to see if I was okay. And thanks as well to those of you who let me know you missed hearing from me. Thanks to all of you for your support in reading, and sometimes interacting with, what I share here. I have had a challenging year but I am well and deeply … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves
Know That You Are Loved
I trust in your unfailing love. Psalm 13:5 After my second surgery my husband and I spent a week at the beach. Both of us needed to recuperate from the many weeks of uncertainty and strain. It was the week of our thirty-seventh wedding anniversary. So we needed to both rest and celebrate. We were no longer waiting for results. We were no longer anticipating the possibility of radiation therapy. … [Read more...] about Know That You Are Loved
Be Who You Are
Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39 One day while driving along a familiar road, I found myself accelerating through a yellow light. Everyone behind me had to stop, and I felt for an instant that I had “won.” It was as if we had all been racing and I had just pulled ahead and beat everyone. I enjoyed my small victory. But my pride didn’t last long. In order to make it … [Read more...] about Be Who You Are