I don’t know how to keep shame from creeping into a room. Heck, I don’t even know how to keep shame from eating away at my heart. But because I personally have struggled with shame so much I have learned a few techniques that help me manage it, even as I work and wait for healing. Shame is going to make merry anytime we are trying to improve our conscious contact with God or become more decently … [Read more...] about Shame as a tool of the devil or….how shame stymies spiritual renewal
BLOG: Monday Musings by Teresa McBean
Everyone is quick to point out how much they hate being shamed but it rarely provides an automatic insight to help us not act as shamers. Shame is sneaky and shows up sporting a bunch of different looks. It can be kind of punky, aggressive and direct - attacks on others’ looks, character, ethnicity, etc. It can hide out in silence - when we fail to speak up against wrongdoing. It can really go … [Read more...] about Shame is sneaky
Shame and Spiritual Abuse Last week I had a consulting gig at a church that had a recovery ministry blow up in grand fashion. Lack of leadership accountability, no small doses of codependency and maybe, perhaps, possibly a tiny bit of grandiose thinking and arrogance on the part of the church team that swooped in to clean up the debacle — all of this was stymying the work of restoration. And I … [Read more...] about Shame and Spiritual Abuse
Early in my own recovery efforts I found a book that helped me pray when I had no breath for it: Rooted In God’s Love - Meditations on Biblical Texts for People in Recovery, by Dale and Juanita Ryan. One of my favorite prayers is found on page 19, I share it with you with prayers that your journey provides you with nourishment and healing… Nourish me, Lord. Nourish me with your love. Calm … [Read more...] about Spiritual Food
The next stage of change is action. It’s the step we are tempted to jump to when we are feeling all inspired and sincere. However, our adrenalin for change has a short attention span! Precontemplation, contemplation and determination are necessary intermediary steps. It’s in those steps where we can settle down and figure out what action best fits our desire for change. I did not start going to … [Read more...] about Sore but still moving
Over lunch during the holidays my adult children were discussing some philosopher’s perspective on options. I was too busy chasing around a 15-month-old to hear all the details but evidently there is a philosopher who has posited that limited choices are better for us than feeling like we can do anything we want just because we will it. Pros and cons were bantered about but I think the … [Read more...] about Eventually we have to do something!
I have studied people all my life, not in a creepy way, but with a lot of curiosity and interest. As a result of spending so much time people gazing, I have accrued a cache of information about people and about myself. One thing I’ve learned about myself is how little I understand people! When I was young, I used to think that sincerity was the key to an abundant life. It’s not. Sincerity has … [Read more...] about Disappointing sincerity
The second stage of change is contemplation. We’re still not ready to take action, but we are more serious about considering change. When my husband and I first started talking about downsizing, it was more like daydreaming than developing a strategic plan. But the daydreaming was a good beginning. Thanks to our daughter, we had access to information that added substance to our conversations. … [Read more...] about Navel gazing?
Whether I am thinking about change for myself or on behalf of others, it has become a helpful practice for me to identify what stage of change we are in. My husband and I began talking about downsizing five years ago. We were NOT ready for a change, but we were willing to have a conversation about the what-if’s. This stage of change is called pre-contemplation. Neither of us was particularly … [Read more...] about Telling the truth about intentions
I am a big fan of habits. I habitually brush my teeth. This is a good thing. I have tons of habitual behaviors that I do without thinking. They keep my brain from overheating with exertion. Habits can be our friend. However, habits can also be our enemy. I developed a habit of putting this really delicious, silky smooth and loaded-with-sugar creamer in my coffee. Yum! Once I developed the habit … [Read more...] about Habits