Scripture reading for today: Genesis 32 – 36
Have you participated in a family feud? That can be nasty stuff. The incident with Jacob and Esau makes the rest of us family feuders look like amateurs. In the scripture reading today, you’ll have an opportunity to study their reconciliation. Notice Jacob. He continues to cleverly manipulate those around him. He sends his servants, wives, and children ahead of him. Were they his human shields? What was he thinking? Did he decide that if Esau came out swinging, the terrified cries of his family would give him ample warning and he could flee?
What else did Jacob think about on his long and dusty ride home? Certainly he worried about Esau’s response. But did he also remember his mom’s home cooking? When he couldn’t sleep at night, did he toss and turn in his tent, remembering the days of childhood? Did flashes of fun times with Esau pass through his memory? As he traveled with his own children, did he remember the times when Isaac first taught him how to ride a camel, or find water in the desert?
Our memories are quite selective. In the midst of feuding, loved ones become the enemy. We stew and stew, remembering their offenses against us. The pressure builds. Our resentments increase. Our plans for revenge take shape. Forgotten are all the memories of better times. People who once enriched our lives become caricatures, stick figures, one-dimensional beings–shadows of their true selves (a fancy word for this is “objectification” – an unwillingness to acknowledge the complicated “whole” of a person). We pick out the things that we can attack, and off we go. We rally our defenses and mount our high horses.
It has been my experience that most people who seriously need a step one experience have a history of broken relationships. I’m not talking about the normal tiffs and arguments that are inevitable; they flare up and quickly die out, never to be remembered again. I’m talking about painful, unresolved, abundant-life-threatening, family-dividing, feuds. I’m talking about the chronic brokenness that results in people sitting at home, driving down the road, watching TV, working out–and constantly remembering the offenses of others perpetrated against them. How many years did Jacob and Esau think of each other in this way before the embers of their rage grew cold? How long has it been for you, that you’ve stewed in the anger of a busted relationship?
Step one may be the first step in healing the pain of betrayal. It is acknowledging our powerless state in our damaged relationships. It’s taking a good, hard look at the consequences and unmanageability that have resulted in our inability to play well with others.
It’s an opportunity to begin to remember more than just the pain.
For this reason, I [Paul] remind you [Timothy], to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you. 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV
“Remind you” literally means to re-gather, to recollect memories, to be reminded of something repetitively. It’s normal to obsess over wrongdoing. Everyone does it. But if we want the abundant life that Jesus says he came to provide for us, it’s not good enough to just do what everyone else does. If we want to live God’s big dreams for us, we’ve got to be willing to learn how to see life through His eyes. Creator God, the one who knows us best (after all, He made us), encourages us to remember more than just today’s hardships and petty grievances. He tells us that he wants us to remember the gift of God which is in you. The gift of God is in you. God has planted something in you that he wants to fan into flames. Not flames of hot anger and burning resentment, but a flame that lights our world–a flame that makes a difference. This kind of flame serves a purpose, and it is a good one. No–it’s a great one. It is a purpose that is custom made by God himself and hand delivered, planted in your heart. It is my prayer that each of us will begin to change what we’re remembering.