Scripture reading for today: Matthew 19 – 20; Psalm 95
Dependencies: These are the people, places, and/or things that if we are brutally honest, we do not think we could live without. They are the things we cling to, even when clear evidence indicates they are not good for us and depending on this is not working. [1]
I slid into a seat in a hurry. Running late, I barely made it through the door before the recovery meeting commenced. The room was crowded, and I glanced apologetically at the woman I squeezed next to in our circle of pain. Uh oh, a newcomer, I thought. I knew the look. The meeting progressed, and this gal got increasingly hostile.
“This is so stupid. These people are pathetic. I don’t even know why I’m here. This is just what I expected; all these people do is complain.” On and on she muttered. Her arms were crossed, and her face was furrowed with lines of frustration.
After the meeting ended, I wanted to run from her. She reminded me too much of…someone. We walked out together, and she continued to talk.
“I can’t believe this. I have been to these meetings before. I hate the word ‘codependency.’ I hate it!” she hissed.
“Why did you come today?” I asked.
“Because I’ve just found out my new husband is a pervert. I can’t believe I’m in this position. Again.”
“Again?”
“My last husband was an alcoholic. I’ve got a son in jail because of his drug problems. So I know all about this addiction stuff.” She paused for a long time, studying her shoes. “I can’t believe I am here.”
We went for coffee, and I listened to the rest of the story. As a young girl, she made one solemn vow to herself: If she could get away from her alcoholic parents, she would never ever live with an addict again. It’s the only dream she ever had for herself; she wanted a life free from addicts. No wonder she was so mad. She had one small goal, which she never achieved, and she had no clue as to how she ended up in this mess again. The addiction issue had morphed–alcohol, drugs, sexual addiction. The relationships affected had varied–father, husband, son, new husband. But the result was the same: this woman had a life filled with addicted people that she loved.
How does this happen? Today you’re going to read about a mother who has one simple dream; she wants her boys to succeed in life. She goes to Jesus with her request. Perspective allows us to read this story and interpret Jesus’ words with the clarity only hindsight provides. She wants her boys to have power and prestige, but Jesus is predicting a far different life.
“…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 NIV
As you are considering the people, places, and things that you believe you cannot live without, beware. It is entirely possible that you, like the rest of us, lack clarity. You may desire things, that if you receive them, will cost you dearly. The angry lady from the meeting didn’t try to pick two husbands with addictions; she certainly didn’t wake up every morning with a dream for her son to end up with a substance-abuse issue. She still doesn’t know how all this happened. Dependencies on people, places, and things leave us vulnerable and powerless. They make life unmanageable.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 NIV
Life to the full–a rich and satisfying life–will never be found as long as we are living in denial, walking around staring at our feet and muttering, “How did this happen?”