Scripture Reading for today: 2 Timothy 1, 2, 3, 4
Twenty or so years ago I had an awakening – but not the kind anyone would really want to experience. It was more like waking up from a terrible nightmare. I had known for a while that I was a people pleaser, and I understood what a burden it was to try to please all the people all the time. I had a vague notion that this probably wasn’t as virtuous as it sounded, but still, being a martyr had a certain ring to the title.
One night sitting in a class (that I was taking to make me a better people pleaser), I awoke. I realized that wanting to please people was the same thing as not giving a hoot about pleasing God. That was definitely bad (since I claimed to be a follower of Him). I also acknowledged for the first time that even my people-pleasing pursuits had more to do with me trying to feel better about myself than making another person happy. That’s yucky stuff.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 NIV
I was seriously bummed out when I realized that all my exhausting attempts to make other people happy were really manipulative ways of relating to satisfy my own cravings for acceptance. And let me tell you: it really wasn’t working out all that well. I had discovered that even my best efforts were failing. I was not God; I did not have the power to save. But here’s what I did have–a new title–“child of God.” On that cold January night, sitting in a rickety folding chair, listening to a teacher try to teach me how to be a better person, I quit. I quit trying to be “good” and decided to try to figure out what it meant to be a kid of the King. More on that tomorrow, but for today, remember: sometimes a spiritual awakening feels initially like a living nightmare.