by Dale Ryan
I remember when I first heard about people who were anorexic with respect to food. I was confused by the whole idea. Why would people refuse to eat? Why would people refuse to eat even when they were hungry? Why would people refuse to eat even when they were dying of starvation?
(more…)Sandy Wilson is a well-known author and popular speaker. Her books on shame (Released from Shame) and on family dynamics (ShameFree Parenting) have been helpful to many people in recovery. We interviewed her by phone from her home in Scottdale, AZ.
STEPS: Can you tell us something about the first time you got help for yourself?
(more…)by Dale & Juanita Ryan
The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: “He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence.” (Psalm 72: 12 &14)
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by Juanita R. Ryan
We have all heard stories and seen movies about people who have spent years in prison, hoping and praying for release. Finally, they are paroled. They are set free. They walk outside the prison walls into wide open spaces. No more bars or guards. No one is watching and controlling their every move.
(more…)The integrative model for recovery from abuse assumes that ‘the problem’ is primarily inside the abused person. Makes sense. This assumption underlies most therapeutic strategies for recovery from abuse.
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by Juanita Ryan
Children are some of our best teachers. They teach us, experientially, to open our hearts. To give of ourselves. To seek wisdom. To set limits. To embrace. To let go. Children never stop teaching us. But as with most of life, the greatest lessons often seem to come during the toughest times.
The year our oldest son dropped out of high school and became an addict was a very dark and difficult year for us. It was also a time of deeper exposure to life’s most important lessons. I didn’t fully realize it until much later, but it was during that anguished time that our son taught me a greater understanding of humility, honesty, courage, trust and grace. (more…)
Forget the Shame
Isaiah 54:4-5: “Do not be afraid; …You will forget the shame of your youth” (v.4).
“We think that by ‘doing it right’, we will get rid of the shame,” observed psychologist Carol Travilla.
Some of us may be motivated to perfectionism by our toxic shame — the shame of making a mistake; saying the wrong thing; having an unproductive day; mispronouncing a word; gaining weight; not understanding directions, experiencing fatigue; wearing an inappropriate outfit; adding up the checkbook incorrectly; expressing a differing opinion; feeling disappointment; praying the wrong words; wanting to be alone; wanting to be with someone; needing to feel secure.
The inner message we hear is: “Shame on you! You are needy. You are human.” It’s fake guilt; and it’s poisonous. We may attempt to avoid feeling the ache of the shame by denying it matters; working longer hours, or trying to do “everything right.” But we don’t have to be hooked into listening to these self-defeating messages. God wants to release us from the overwhelming burden of perfectionism. We can forget the false shame and relax. God knows our human needs and he accepts and likes us anyway.
Lord, teach me the difference
between healthy guilt and toxic shame.
Copyright Joan C. Webb
For more from Joan Webb visit www.joancwebb.com
by Carmen Renee Berry
“You’ve taken this recovery thing much too far,” her angry words cut through me like a knife.
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by Marnie Ferree
While most people tend to assume that sexual addiction is a problem only for men, the evidence suggests the contrary. Addictions, all addictions, are pretty much equal opportunity diseases. And sexual addiction is no exception.
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by Juanita Ryan