There are few topics more dangerous than 'forgiveness' when the context is abuse. Forgiveness has been (and is) used against people who have been abused. It is presented as something you must do -- under threat of divine punishment. It is presented as something you 'should' have done a long time ago. It is as if you become the 'bad person' in a relationship if you fail to forgive. . . and nothing … [Read more...] about Forgiveness and Recovery
Search Results for: Recovery from spiritual abuse
Grieving the Losses in 12 Step Recovery
by Pat Means I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help and patience, and a certain difficult repentance long, difficult repentance, realization of life's mistake, and the freeing oneself from the endless repetition of the mistake which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify. "Healing" D.H. … [Read more...] about Grieving the Losses in 12 Step Recovery
Beyond Victimization
by Carmen Renee Berry As is so often the case, the flash of insight that changed my life happened almost accidently. Certainly unexpectedly. While packing to attend a specialized training for urban ministry a few years ago, I threw in a copy of a book that a friend had recommended. I don't know why I even brought the book along; my frantic work style as a social worker specializing in child … [Read more...] about Beyond Victimization
Preface: Ron’s Story and Valerie’s Story
Ron's Story Being in recovery from addiction, I am one of a multitude of people who owe their existence to God's grace and healing love expressed through the encouragement and support of many friends in recovery. Much of my childhood was spent trying to survive the effects that my parents' emotional isolation, abuse and addiction had on … [Read more...] about Preface: Ron’s Story and Valerie’s Story
Learning to Tell the Truth
by Dale Ryan I recently returned from ten days in Cairo, Egypt, where Juanita and I spoke at the annual conference of the recovery ministry at Kasr el Doubara church, the largest Protestant church in the Middle East. We also spent several days consulting and planning with the leadership team of this ministry. About 180 people attended the conference, and many others had been turned away, … [Read more...] about Learning to Tell the Truth
How can a Christian get help in a secular group?
by Dale Wolery We encourage you not to dismiss lightly the possibility of finding a secular support group that will be helpful to you. Until recently, of course, finding an explicitly Christian support group was not really a possibility because so few existed. That means that most Christians in recovery today began their recovery journey in a 'secular' support group - and most still find that … [Read more...] about How can a Christian get help in a secular group?
Worship
Recommended Reading: William H. Willimon Worship As Pastoral Care (Abingdon Press, 1979) Communion Communion services can be powerful opportunities to emphasize themes that will be both intelligible and helpful to survivors of abuse. For example: Memory. We all have difficult, sometimes terrifying memories. Our memories often compete inside us for our attention. They compete to … [Read more...] about Worship
When Religion Goes Bad: Part 3 — Religious Codependency
by Dale S. Ryan and Jeff VanVonderen In the first installment of this series we introduced the idea that religion can "go bad." In the second installment we talked about religious addiction. In this installment we want to discuss religious codependency. To understand religious codependency it's important to first understand some of the basic dynamics of codependency in … [Read more...] about When Religion Goes Bad: Part 3 — Religious Codependency
Abundance and Scarcity
by Dale Ryan Recovery is about learning to receive from God's abundance. Without knowing quite what I was saying, I once said this in therapy: "I've been thinking about abundance recently. . .and about how scarce it is." My therapist was amused, I think, but not particularly surprised. Scarcity is a big-time, major-league, world-class issue for me. Over the years of my recovery I have … [Read more...] about Abundance and Scarcity
Dealing with Your Dark Side: Part 3
Making Sense of the Insanity by Patrick Means Another respected Christian leader has an affair (this time, radio Bible teacher David Hocking). Another spasm of shock shudders through the Christian community. Over and over, we Christians are shocked and surprised when "good" people do "bad" things. But Scripture makes it clear that we all possess a dark side, despite our faith in Christ. … [Read more...] about Dealing with Your Dark Side: Part 3