Here are some things I have learned about reciprocity. As a review, reciprocity can happen when folks are in relationship with one another AND they have worked out respectful, reasonably safe and helpful ways of giving one another feedback. This feedback, in theory, can help all parties learn and grow. In reciprocal relationships either party is in a position to learn at all times. To return … [Read more...] about Reciprocity Skills
In our community we work hard to be students in the field of addiction and recovery. Our community was founded on the big dream that families suffering from addiction, abuse, trauma and mental health issues needed a safe place to explore spirituality that suits their unique needs. We felt there were many wonderful worshiping communities that supported the perspective that “Every day with Jesus … [Read more...] about Who gets to tell me I am fat?
Humility and the willingness to change our minds is a gift. I want to be the person who can listen to feedback and learn from it. But there is a distinction between receiving feedback and paying attention to harsh criticism from strangers (or people who you know do not know you even if they have met you). It’s like that old quote about porn: “I may not be able to define it but I recognize it … [Read more...] about Reciprocity
In addition to following Brene Brown through her words and imitating her ways, I practice this thing I call reciprocity. Reciprocity is a word that reminds me of core principles that I hope to live by in the heat of my own freak out moments. For example. I get an email which explains to me how I hate Jesus and clearly know nothing about spiritual transformation. I feel automatically … [Read more...] about She hurt my feelings. Now what?
Recently I received an email criticizing me for a particular course we were offering in our community. This person evidently is on our mailing list. It felt great. Not the criticism, no, I do NOT like to be criticized but it turns out I have other feelings as well about criticism and THAT is what felt great. In Brene’ Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness she opens up about her fears and … [Read more...] about On Being Brave
If my parents had instructed me to do something and I said: “I don’t feel like it”, their response would have been predictable. Here are a few likely options: “I didn’t ask you how you felt, I am telling you what to do.” “I don’t care how you feel, I care that you do as I say.” “Shut up and get busy.” Surely the world would be in chaos if everyone ran around only doing what they FEEL like … [Read more...] about “I don’t feel like it.”
I prefer to pray without using words. It feels more true to me. It’s my way of surrendering to God, trusting Jesus, listening for the whisper of the Holy Spirit’s guidance. But...there are days when only words will do. I’ve found comfort and courage in prayer as I reframe and personalize the psalms. Here is a common way I pray the first five verses of Psalm 103…Today, I pray this with … [Read more...] about A prayer for you…
In recent posts I have been talking about the role of shame in how we respond to difficult situations in ministry. What does all this have to do with our own work? Well, quite a lot. Here are a few ways to apply these principles: We are more than the worst problem we face today; there are small and wonderful ways we can love others, receive love, do good, find joy EVEN as we suffer and … [Read more...] about Breathing and other recommendations
In the last several posts I’ve been taking about a consultation with the leadership of a church that was struggling with moral failure in a recovery ministry. Over the hours that this team sweated large and small stuff related to the recovery ministry woes they faced, they had to face a hard truth: relationships are conditional. Yes, yes, love is unconditional. But healthy relationships have … [Read more...] about Banishment
Everyone has heard that there is sexual immorality among you. This is a type of immorality that isn’t even heard of among the Gentiles - a man is having sex with his father’s wife! And you’re proud of yourselves instead of being so upset that the one who did this thing is expelled from your community. 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 After much rumination and no small amount of people whipping out their … [Read more...] about What’s our part?